Great Wall = Great Day

So, today was amazing. I will get to it in a second, but first, ankle update. My ankle is doing okay. Trip doctor said it was probably a minor fracture. I said he was probably a minor idiot. He then took away my pain medicine...a$* hole. Here is a picture:

As soon as we got off the bus at the great wall, we saw a two humped camel. It was the first time in my life I've ever seen one. Needless to say I was a bit stoked. TJ ran up and got this amazing picture.

Next stop on our trip was the "toilet break." I was glad they had a special stall just for me...

Then we went to buy tickets for gondola and some crazy guy at top of stairs was yelling nonsense. I thought it was only appropriate to joing him. The stuff in that giant pipe didn't smell like tobacco.

Then, TJ and I hopped into the janketiest old ski lift and headed for the summit. It was obviously a most gorgeous journey. If you notice in the below picture on the mountain there is a tobaggon. More of that later...


Once we were in the air, TJ and I tried to get a picture from the highest point so you could see how high we were. You can tell it didn't really work like we had planned.

And now, my answer to the Andrew Heaton photo:

And TJ's answer to the Heaton photo:

TJ and I refer to this next picture as "great wall sexy time." Ask Sara to pronounce that for you...you'll get it then.

Here you can see why TJ would never make a good ancient Chinese guard.

So, as we were leaving, this family of locals was walking with there baby and you know me I had to try and get the kid to smile. They couldn't speak a lick of English, but they charade-a-communicated that they wanted to take a picture of me and baby. As soon as they handed the kid to me they started acting just like any parents trying to get it to smile and flashes were going off like crazy. I kinda felt like Santa.


Then they handed dumpling baby to TJ who felt like Santa's elf.

Once we got to the bottom, we were attacked by mongolian hordes. TJ got away, but I am now headless.
On the bus, I found our driver, Dong Shi Fu's, secret beer stash. For the safety of the group I decided that the only honorable thing to do was for us adults to dispose of it. [notice the cans in the background]

We then went to this factory [read: sweat-shop] where they produce beautiful Chinese enamel. They were telling us how it is done, and you could see that the workers weren't that amused by our presence.

Till one of them got up and I ploped in her seat and started pretending like I was working. They had no idea what to do.

As the group exited left, Teej and I snuck right into the "back room" where they polish and fire the enamel. We watched this guy polishing, and decided that we could do that.


So, as soon as he got up, we did...



Above the factory/outlet mall there was a restaraunt where we had lunch. As soon as they were finished all the ladies took off to go shop. I took this opportunity to introduce the men in the group, and the one little kid standing next to me, to the ancient Chinese art of "Bai Jiu Bombs." You see each table came with complementary bottle of Bai Jiu, a common household cleaner/table liquor. I decided that the only proper way to drink it was to drop the little Bai Jiu shooters in a glass of beer and CHUG!!!


Kid to Dad: "Daddy, what are you doing?" Dad to kid: "Don't tell your mom about this!"

Also, I saw a group of chinese kids shredding the local corporate office building front steps. I decided the only international way to show some respect was to lay down and get them to jump me. Needless to say, lots of 3rd - 6th graders were impressed by my "radness." Also, needless to say, lots of 3rd -6th grade mothers were not impressed by the fact that their impressionable children were now looking up to me.


Oh, and we learned a valuable lesson today. If you are a baby and you live in china, you get to go anywhere you want with ass-less pants.


After dinner it was time to hit the open street food market. They were cooking some really interesting things, from silk worms to sea slugs. I was sad, but TJ was happy that we had just stuffed ourselves.


Mom, look at the experiences your 11 year old is having. You are too good to us!!!

And now my favorite part of the day. For those of you who know my brother, he's not the most down for danger and excitement. In fact he once punched me while I was trying to get him on a roller coaster. That makes this next story that much more awesome. So, there is three ways to get down from the great wall. One, you walk. Two, you ride the gondola back down. Or three, you bomb down the mountain on a rickety ass toboggan. We opted for three. Knowing that TJ is TJ and that if I went first he'd probably not get down the mountain, I loudly volunteered to the group that he wanted to go first and I was going second. He looked at me with terror in his eyes and was like, "I I I don't wanna go first..." And I was like whatever dude, we're St. Johns, we live for going first. He finally embraced the coolness, and realized that all the other little dudes were a bit apprenhensive and that he got to score major kick-ass points for going first. So as I'm yelling, "no brakes baby!!!" he started telling everyone that he was going first. I was really proud of him. Well, he jumps up in the cart and is behind this old chinese guy who goes in front of him. TJ gives the guy a little distance and then the tobaggon opperator yells something in Chinese and signals for TJ to take off. Which he does, and when I say take off, TJ went for it, like a total little badass. Then I give him some time and the guy tells me to go. At this point I'm thinking, "lets see how fast this little puppy will go." So, I push the stick all the way forward and take off. I'm going full speed, and gravity is definately using my weight to its full advantage. I go around this turn and I hear TJ yelling, "Go go." And I see that he is stuck behind this Chinese guy and they are at a dead stop. I lock up the breaks and somehow avoid slamming into the back of TJ. I start yelling all the chinese I know at this old dude while mixing in a little english, like move you idot...go go. I then realize that all he is hearing is the chinese which sounds like, "please, thank you, I don't want any, your welcome, hello!" TJ looks back at me with the saddest most frustrated eyes ever. He starts trying to explain the situation, and I cut him off saying, "push his ass." TJ just starts ramming this guy who is totally oblivious. Next thing I know I hear woooooo and then feel two little kids slam into the back of my tobaggon. Now, its getting out of hand. So, we just poot down the rest of the way and it totally sucks. We get off and TJ is like, "I only come to the great wall once in my life and this is how the tobaggon ride turns out? What crap!" After the events yesterday, and seeing his disappointment over his "student buddy" I vow that that shall never happen again on my watch. So, I say dude, lets ride back up and do it again, and this time we wait until the track clears and we bomb that son-of-a-bitch!!!!" You should have seen his eyes light up. He was like, "really? Could we really do that?" And I was like, "Hell yeah!" So, I called Miko our guide on her cell phone and told her we were coming back up to do it again. We then sprinted for tickets and jumped in the gondola. When we got to the top we waited until everyone in front of us went and then TJ took off like he stole something. I was watching from the top, and he was hauling ass!!! At this point, I took off and let me tell you, it was one of the funnest rides I have ever done. The whole way down all the people manning the track were yelling, "SLOW DOWN!!!" I did not head there warning. I came across the final turn and saw TJ standing there. I locked up the breaks and barely stopped. As soon as I jumped off, he was 90 miles a minute. "Dude, they were yelling at me to slow down. Holy cow, I thought I was going to fly off those corners. I was all leaning into them, it was crazy! Did you get air on that little bump and drop. Man my sled had to be entirely off the track!!! It was so CRAZY!" All in all, best time ever!!! Below is a picture of TJ's "scared face" before we got on the track.


Until Tomorrow,

Boo Yao!!